Anniversaries & Celebrations

How do you celebrate? How do you establish new traditions while still honoring your loved ones who are gone? When a specific holiday was someone’s favorite. Does it hurt when they are gone? Do you hate that holiday now? How quickly do you move-on to new traditions?

When I lost my mom, I had amazing people around me who knew and loved her. They paid respect to us because she had profound impacts on their lives. They all experienced the feelings of profound loss that losing my mom had on all our lives. All my family, friends of hers, friends of mine, friends and family of all extended kinds, felt the loss of Melody. She was a force.

Losing my mom was really tough. She was really fragile the last few years of her life. Exactly the opposite of how she grew up and lived. But her voice is with me daily. I’ll always have her voice in my head. (I have a friend who is able to duplicate my mom’s voice perfectly, calling me by my first and middle names)

Everyone told me how hard all “the firsts” were. Mom’s passing in the month of October, was tough. We had birthdays and holidays to go through within the first 3 months of losing her. Moving into the first holiday season was really hard. We didn’t know how we wanted to plan anything.

Even though my mom hadn’t been too mentally or emotionally present the last few years, another matriarch had been lost. I didn’t want to take up that role. I didn’t want to be in charge of anything. I don’t think anyone in mom’s family knew what to do.

Losing my dad was so tough. I’ll be forever lost without him. He really was a lifeline for me. In the first few years of us raising our families together, I begged my dad for more time and to establish traditions with us and our similar aged range kiddos. We were never able to squeak out more time. And when we lost him too soon, I just kept thinking about how I wanted more time.

Obviously losing Will, has shattered all traditions for everything for our futures. All I can say is that the one common thread of this blog piece, is, I wanted more time. More time to create new “-ships”, relationships, friendships, partnerships, etc. The first year, I needed all of the distractions. Our coping tactic was to divert our attentions and stay distracted. When we passed the first anniversary of Will’s death, we didn’t celebrate. I could not emotionally handle trying to celebrate anything. I don’t feel like there’s a lot to be thankful and grateful for. Looking at the positives, doesn’t help me with the loss of Will. Every new tradition will no longer have Will involved in it in a physical way. And I am just not feeling ok with that. Progressing forward can look a lot like backsliding.

XOXO

BRI

---

Postscript: Anniversaries and Celebrations

When its all said and done, what is the one thing we want more than anything? More time. More time in the day to complete work tasks. More time in the week, for chores, to stay kept up. More time in the month to spend on holidays, or special occasions. More time in the year to plan trips with loved ones we have not seen in too long. More time for our lives to slow down and take in all the moments. Big and small.

More time with our grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family time, so they can embed memories in our littles. More time with our friends who just want to see how you’re doing. More time with our parents to stay in the protections of their love and hugs. More time with our moms and dads, cuz when the world kicks your ass, your parents will always kick back first and ask questions later. More time with our kids and spouses when our families are young.

More time is the one resource we are so short on-- and the last one we plan on losing in the worst possible moments.

XOXO

BRI

Connection is the best medicine…