What is the story behind the number 13 being lucky or unlucky? I don’t know. I grew up with the same things you all did. My grandpa would never leave the house on Friday the 13th, once he was retired. My grandma paid it no mind. Why did he stay home? What scared him so much? Or just superstition that made for fun with his grandkids.

I will say this, I’ve never felt more like one of those lost souls who just keeps getting stepped on by their loved ones who didn’t realize they were underneath them.

Numbness. Emptiness, darkness, heartbroken. All newly owned trademarks of ours are learning how to incorporate into our beings now.

Grief often arrives like a tidal wave—fast, overwhelming, and life-altering. For those walking through the aftermath of losing a child, finding stable ground again can feel impossible. But every now and then, a light finds its way into the darkness. For many families, that light comes in the form of the Martyred Angels Foundation.

How do you celebrate? How do you establish new traditions while still honoring your loved ones who are gone? When a specific holiday was someone’s favorite. Does it hurt when they are gone? Do you hate that holiday now? How quickly do you move-on to new traditions?

Lord willing, I know I’m moving one day closer to seeing him again, and that brings me peace. His parents already know this, but they raised an incredible young man—someone who always had his brother’s back. I don’t know a single friend of Will’s who wouldn’t go to war for him.

I am devastated that our daughter is now an only child. I am devastated that she lost her best friend. I am devastated that she now must deal with her parents who have lost their son. No child should ever have to comfort their own parents. Our job as parents is to protect our kids from stuff like this.

I am sure that I am not special in the fact that there so many parents in the world who have lost their children. We are not alone. But, the FOMO that we all are going to experience due to the loss of our children, is greater than we realize.

I will make Will proud, and I will hopefully make you all proud as well. I will always be open to connecting to others’ struggles. I will be anyone’s voice and advocate.

I wasn’t sure if I would connect with anyone. No one experienced a miscarriage that then resulted in a traumatic time having a disabled child 1 year later that I knew of. How would they understand my battle? So, showing up as my authentic self was all I could do. As each one of the panelists shared, there was a common theme, vulnerability. It was in vulnerability where the similarities shined through. The same stands for today.

The world today is full of exceptions to rules that have split up friendships, families, and careers. It’s sad really, and I hope we all emerge out of it soon, with few broken family ties, and hardly any wounded relationships.

I have often found myself being the exception to the rule. As a cop’s kid, I should have grown up breaking all the rules.

“You can only control what you can control” right? This quote came out of my mouth a couple of weeks ago when talking with a friend. It just came out. But it made me want to speak on it. I realize now that my lack of control in stressful situations is not weakness, but my humanity peeking through my sequestered soul.

Hollow, silent, tearful, nauseous, nervous, complete and total decimation of all feelings inside my soul. Who can help me cope with that? No one. Grief and grieving are individual gauntlets, and in those moments I didn’t want to live through anymore gauntlets. Especially not this one.

They are watching you. Waiting for your reaction to every piece of information. Information that will never ever be positive.

We were cheated and robbed of our son. Our son was robbed of his life. Killed by his best friend. In a car crash attributed to alcohol. When you are with the person you trust most in the world, aside from your family, and that person makes choices that have the most extreme consequences, it makes it extremely complicated.

Should I jump right in and say that this world isn’t for me anymore? No. that sounds dark and cryptic, and would most likely be taken the wrong way. But, this world isn’t for me anymore, anyways. You might just understand that, because after all, you’re reading this right?…