What Dreams May Come
There is a 1998 movie with the same title. What Dreams May Come is a 1978 novel by Richard Matheson. The plot centers on Chris, a man who dies then goes to Heaven, but descends into Hell to rescue his wife. It was adapted in 1998 into the Academy Award-winning film What Dreams May Come starring Robin Williams, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Annabella Sciorra.
That movie has always stayed with me. Always. In high school, I worked in a mom-and-pop video store. A small one. Not a Blockbuster or Hollywood Video. One of those places that has that room behind the curtain. Moving along. Haha.
There were certain things about the story that I could relate to and stayed with me in the 27 years since it came out. In 1999, our daughter was born. That movie was most likely out on video and as I think back, while I write this, I distinctly remember certain thoughts that come back. Like, my husband did not understand why I loved that depressing movie so much. Also, “I know I wouldn’t survive if something happened to my kids” and “I feel like one of those faces of the lost souls.” Little did I know that 26+ years later I would have that scene playing on repeat in my brain every night when I try to go to sleep. And I can see my face. I’m looking up, not down.
Why did I think about it today? Because tomorrow is the 2-year anniversary of Will’s passing? Probably. Did I think of it today, cuz I haven’t had as much interaction with friends recently, and that makes me feel forgotten and left out? Maybe. Is it because as a mom now, if I watched it today, I would 100% check myself in to a mental health facility? Does Magic 8 ball say Most Likely? Yes.
I do love a good book. Maybe I will add it to my TBR list.
I am searching for understandings. What does it mean that this movie is embedded in me? What does it mean now? What did it mean back then? Why this movie? Why me? Who put it out there for me?
I will say this, I’ve never felt more like one of those lost souls who just keeps getting stepped on by their loved ones who didn’t realize they were underneath them.
XOXO
BRI
Postscript: What Dreams May Come
MORE SIGNS? OR A PREORDAINED ROAD THAT I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO TRAVEL…
The movie in this entry isn’t a blockbuster. It isn’t a top 10 on most people’s watch lists. But for me, why did I feel the need to watch it at the age of 18? Why did that movie stick with me for 25+ years? Why did I own two different copies of this movie? One on VHS and one on DVD. Why do I still see the scene of Chris Neilsen (Robin Williams) entering into Hell from below?
“What’s true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.” Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) What Dreams May Come
In so many ways, I own the same instinctual overexertion to find Will.
In every way possible.
Knowing he is gone forever. But I am still hoping beyond hope that there is a way for me to still hear him and see him. Love him and hug him in his long-armed embrace that was mostly hugging and pushing me away cuz, you know, it’s embarrassing to hug your mom too much.
If you have the chance, you should read the book or watch the movie. Rereading it (audiobook), it all came back. I haven’t finished it yet. It’s really tough to keep, but, if reopening my wounds, and showing my raw, honest, and totally transparent soul helps you, or anyone else who may need this blog, then its worth it to me. Thanx for walking beside me. Its helping.
XOXO
BRI
I will say this, I’ve never felt more like one of those lost souls who just keeps getting stepped on by their loved ones who didn’t realize they were underneath them.