When FOMO Grows Up

We all have a little bit of FOMO. It took me a long time to know what FOMO meant. As well as YOLO. When those phrases started their journey’s into our vernaculars, I knew I was getting old. Because I had no idea what that meant.

FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. I have always had it. Since I was a kid. I remember always thinking about what I was missing out on with my friends. I just knew they were hanging out without me and talking mad shit. As I grew older, those insecurities embedded themselves and morphed into normal junior high and high school dramas. I don’t remember being in the drama crowd. But I am sure there will be someone somewhere that has a dramatic memory of me. My biggest insecurities were things that no one would ever think about. Was I smart enough to go to college? Was I ever going to be married? Did my friends all know that all I wanted was to be normal and not always be so insecure and scared of what everyone was thinking about me?

Fear Of Missing Out. I hate it when an event ends. I feel like there is always more that we can talk about and hang out and have more fun. I do not want to miss out on the party! There is always more fun to be had. I don’t wanna miss out! My husband gets very frustrated as he is the ultimate introvert. That’s ok. It has taken us 20+ years to figure each other out. He prefers to stay incognito.

I am sure most people grow out of FOMO, way sooner than I ever did. Because it grew into more. I allowed it to grow into more. I allowed my fears hold me back from so much.

I am sure that I am not special in the fact that there so many parents in the world who have lost their children. We are not alone. But, the FOMO that we all are going to experience due to the loss of our children, is greater than we realize. We are going to miss out on the things that they should be here for. Life. They will never have kids, they wont get married, they wont be aunts or uncles to their siblings’ kids, they wont ever be successful in work, relationships, friendships. They wont ever smile again, they will never be happy again, they will never hurt again. The actual fear, that you experience, the tightening in the chest, and the burning in your eyes as the tears show up without warning, the panic breathing, the brain fog, not being able to carry on conversations like you used to be able to. There is so much that we now miss out on. And so much more that we wished we could miss out on, because now, its not even an option.

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Afterthoughts

When I re-read what I wrote most times… I surprise myself and have valuable realizations/ thoughts that I’d love to share… You can read them below.

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Postscript: When FOMO Grows Up

Fear of Missing Out. How funny is that phrase? When I think about it today as I write this, I am uber aware that I am ok with missing out now. Perfect examples…. When I see friends and family posts about an event that I was not even told was going to happen, I used to have all of the internal smoke blowing, and dramatic hurt feelings, awful internal dialogue, as well as sometimes tears and self-hatred.

Today, I am ok with missing out. The most obvious reason is because if I go to a special celebration, or event, I do not want to ever take away from the person or things being celebrated. How egotistical of me, right? LOL why am I thinking that others actually care about how my appearance can take away from any and all events that I attend. The truth is it doesn’t. My support, people know me and my ups and downs better than I do most of the time, and I will go to the ends of the earth for them no matter what. I know now that those who are there for me, have always been there. Learning and growing with me. And for those that just don’t get it, be glad that your FOMO has not taken over yet. Within these glimpses of my heart and soul, I’ll reveal much, but never all.

XOXO

BRI