Take a Break

One of the many photos I get from my brother in Montana!

I have said it already, and I hate to beat a dead horse. Losing Will has broken me. I am demolished and trying to put all the shattered pieces of myself back together. It’s not easy. Life is tough. People are tough. And I am tougher on myself than anyone could ever be.

Who are you when you suffer unimaginable loss? Who are you when you know that every new person you meet doesn’t know what you’re surviving through, but maybe has heard about your story? What do you do when you lose your mind, pick fights with people, and hurt those you love the most—especially those who have always been in your corner? They don’t know how to help you cope. They don’t have the tools to handle this.

Ha! Neither do I.

They are always there. A phone call or a text message away. I never reach out. Why? Why don’t I seek help when I know I’m losing this battle?

Even as I write this, my tears are raging, my hands are shaking, and I cannot catch my breath. It’s gone. I feel like I am in a vacuum-packed, saran-wrapped cage with nowhere to turn and no room to breathe. I could call anyone right now, and I know they would pick up the phone and just let me cry. They wouldn’t say anything. They’d just let me get it out.

But I don’t reach out. Being alone in grief and sadness has always been the path I’ve chosen. I know it’s not healthy. I know I’m only hurting myself in the long run.

I need a break.

Breaking away from reality looks different now, too. I can’t always go back to the habits or hobbies that I love. I have always loved to read. I’ve always been a reader. My daughter loves to read too. We have so much fun talking about the books we’ve read.

I just finished a book I didn’t realize was science fiction—usually not my genre—but it started out fast-paced and kept me wanting to keep reading. It’s about a man who gets ripped out of his old life and dropped into a similar one that just isn’t his. He realizes he can move around into different versions of his life, but none of them are his real, regular life. He does everything he can to get back to his wife and son while battling so many different versions of himself who are also seeking the life he had.

No spoilers. 😊

I feel like that man. Our old lives are lost, and I’m trying to do everything possible to get back there. I am trying. I’m not giving up. But I’ll probably flounder a lot.

Finding a new path is easier said than done.

Thanks for being here.

XOXO,
B

7 Day’s of Stillness

A simple journaling series to help you pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself through the noise of loss and healing.

Each day offers a gentle prompt to help you sit with what’s heavy, honor what’s gone, and start noticing the quiet places where peace can begin to grow again.

Join me in the 7 Days of Stillness — because sometimes healing starts with simply taking a break.